Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

What was the craziest place that you had sex with someone in public?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I can count

Has anyone ever read The Holy Bible completely through? If so, what was your overall impression of it?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Can I study a master’s in travel and tourism in Sweden within a budget of 5 lakhs INR?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

How come Taiwan is LGBT friendly, yet Japan and South Korea are not?

I actually pay taxes

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Atheists, there is a god up there in heaven and he loves you so much that he sent his son to die the worst death imaginable and then to turn into a zombie all to save you from sin. Why do you reject him?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

What should I do if I love someone who does not love me?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Why do many modern Hollywood films rely heavily on CGI and visual effects instead of actual sets? What is your opinion on this trend?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

What should every American know before traveling to the UK?

I have a reading level above third grade

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

What can help me fall asleep at night?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

What seemingly minor decision or moment in your past ended up having a massive impact on your entire life trajectory?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

How do you complete “Ciao bell'uomo, come stai oggi, buongiorno signore, sono Jennifer Rose Louis, come ti chiami”?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know who the president of Turkey really is

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I can read

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I see through liars

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”